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The Next Presidential Address?

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The Next Presidential Address?

Postby slowkidz » Mon May 05, 2003 1:03 pm

My fellow Americans...

As you all know, the defeat of Iraq's regime has been completed. The discovery and destruction of all weapons of mass destruction have been covered thoroughly in the press. A new Iraqi government has been established and appears to be stable.

Our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world hellholes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the out years, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.

I am ordering the immediate withdrawal of all US forces from Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, and all other Middle Eastern nations. Leave us alone. Solve your own problems. Need help? Call Germany.

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

Regarding the nation of Israel, I have this to say. It seems like everybody has forgotten what happened to European Jewry during the 1930s and World War II. Our nation will never permit the destruction of Israel. No way, Jose! Nevertheless, to Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you
can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too.

I'm ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. Pay your tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I'm gonna put 'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by
the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty---starting now.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism.

I answer them by saying darn tootin'. Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet.

It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate
homelessness in America.

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you.

To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.

God bless America.

Thank you and good night.
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Postby Dazedncnfz » Mon May 05, 2003 1:24 pm

LMAO!!!!!! :-D ....oh god that was funny!!! ;-D
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change
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Postby Roseman » Mon May 05, 2003 2:09 pm

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.


I guess who ever wrote this wasnt to up on world events and what was going on in Iraqi because actually Canada had several Warships and 1000s of troops sitting and waiting in the Persian Golf they were sitting right behind the US and British Ships in the Golf

Yes they werent there to fight a war that is correct but they were there to handle all the Relief work. As the US and British Forces advanced on Baghdad the Canadians followed behind the front line and proved the people of Iraq with food, water, clothing and blankets and also started to help the innocent people rebuild there homes.

Even though George W. Bush was upset that Canada didnt get involved with the War Mr. Bush did formally thank Canada for all the work they are doing with the relief effort because it would have slowed the US and British Forces from advancing as fast as they did if they would have to stop to proved the relief effort.

So who ever wrote this even if it was intended as a joke before you write anything else-GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT!!!!!
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Postby Dazedncnfz » Mon May 05, 2003 2:31 pm

two words....... Blame Canada!... :-D
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Postby slowkidz » Mon May 05, 2003 3:01 pm

Roseman wrote:
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are going to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change.


I guess who ever wrote this wasnt to up on world events and what was going on in Iraqi because actually Canada had several Warships and 1000s of troops sitting and waiting in the Persian Golf they were sitting right behind the US and British Ships in the Golf

Yes they werent there to fight a war that is correct but they were there to handle all the Relief work. As the US and British Forces advanced on Baghdad the Canadians followed behind the front line and proved the people of Iraq with food, water, clothing and blankets and also started to help the innocent people rebuild there homes.

Even though George W. Bush was upset that Canada didnt get involved with the War Mr. Bush did formally thank Canada for all the work they are doing with the relief effort because it would have slowed the US and British Forces from advancing as fast as they did if they would have to stop to proved the relief effort.

So who ever wrote this even if it was intended as a joke before you write anything else-GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT!!!!!


dear god...relax man...breathe! cmon...in and out...in and out...thats it....

its all a joke! dont get ur knickers ina twist!! besides...if i remember correctly, your warships and troops equaled out to one canoe and a couple of mounties with your conversion rate!! hehehe
:-B
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Postby Dazedncnfz » Mon May 05, 2003 3:20 pm

Slowkidz wrote:dont get ur knickers ina twist!! besides...if i remember correctly, your warships and troops equaled out to one canoe and a couple of mounties with your conversion rate!! hehehe
:-B


ROTFLMAO!!!!!!! :-D :-D ....r u sure it was 2 mounties?!?!....might have been one....might!
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Postby Homeless » Mon May 05, 2003 3:22 pm

Its like the Robin williams post !

Im glad the guest mentioned my joke about the Canadian mounties ;-D

What lots of us dont realize is that the poor English Canadians have to put up with a LOT of frogs who happen to live there. Lets be sure to seperate out the English ones from the frog ones.

NUKE Quebec !!!
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Postby Roseman » Tue May 06, 2003 12:26 pm

Slowkidz wrote:So who ever wrote this even if it was intended as a joke before you write anything else-GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT!!!!!


dear god...relax man...breathe! cmon...in and out...in and out...thats it....

its all a joke! dont get ur knickers ina twist!! besides...if i remember correctly, your warships and troops equaled out to one canoe and a couple of mounties with your conversion rate!! hehehe
:-B[/quote]

Sorry guys I knew it was oppose to be a joke and I guess I got a little carried away and jumped off the handle but you cant blame a guy for being a Patroitic Canadian.

I was also i guess getting a little sick of the slandering the Canada was getting from the US media on the fact that they werent joining the war effort when they were actually there just in a different capacity.

It wasnt just a regular Canoe it was a WarCanoe that the goverment borrowed off the Natives. We arent cheap we send the best!!! lol ;-D
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Postby JayM09 » Tue May 06, 2003 12:33 pm

Roseman wrote:
It wasnt just a regular Canoe it was a WarCanoe that the goverment borrowed off the Natives. We arent cheap we send the best!!! lol ;-D


LMAO
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Postby Dazedncnfz » Tue May 06, 2003 12:58 pm

Roseman wrote:I got a little carried away and jumped off the handle but you cant blame a guy for being a Patroitic Canadian.


sure you can!!!....lol!
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