Media Advances McNabb, Eagles to Super Bowl
Despite falling to the Carolina Panthers 14-3 in the NFL Championship Game on Sunday, Donovan McNabb and the Philadelphia Eagles advanced to the Super Bowl because McNabb is black. The Eagles moved on after the media refused to acknowledge the Panthers victory due to their undying support for McNabb, who threw three interceptions and was injured in the loss.
“Black quarterbacks have overcome too much to have one of the most prominent black quarterbacks of all time saddled with having lost three-straight conference championship games,” said Dave Loweski, a football writer for the Associated Press who spoke for his brethren in a hastily-called media press conference following the game. “For that reason, and because we love Donovan McNabb so much, the media will not recognize the Carolina Panthers as the NFC champions, nor will we cover the Super Bowl if the NFL does not advance the Eagles to the game in Carolina’s place.”
League officials quickly ceded to the immensely powerful football media’s demands, sending the Eagles on to Houston to play the Patriots in Super Bowl XXXVIII on February 1st.
Members of the Panthers were upset to learn of the media’s decision, but to a man they said they were not surprised by the move.
“Sure, it was difficult to hear that the results on the field didn’t matter and that we didn’t make the Super Bowl,” said Carolina coach John Fox, “but I have to admit I’m not all that surprised. This is what you get when you cast your lot with a white quarterback. The media just won’t let you succeed.”
Carolina quarterback Jake Delhomme agreed. “I’m white – what can I expect?” he wondered aloud. “No one in society or in the media will ever be on my side. That’s just how it is these days. All I can hope is that Donovan wins the Super Bowl so the media can even the playing field again for us whites.”
The Eagles were thankful for the media’s willingness to step in and prevent an injustice to their quarterback – a move which also prevented the entire team from possessing the stigma of being the first team ever to lose back-to-back conference championships at home.
“We were pretty sure that Donovan’s blackness would be enough to get us through to the Super Bowl,” said Eagles running back Duce Staley, “but when he left the game and we put a white guy, Koy Detmer, in his place, we were worried it would anger the media and that they wouldn’t let us advance. But thankfully that didn’t happen.”
“The media has always been good to me,” said McNabb. “I’ve never put up outstanding numbers or won a championship, but they’ve always stuck with me. Together we can do great things.”