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A note to our wives

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A note to our wives

Postby DieHardCubbie » Mon Jun 09, 2003 11:06 pm


1)Learn to work the toilet seat. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

2)If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

3)If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

4)Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

5)Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

6)If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. (Really, really listen to this one)

7)Sometimes, we're not thinking about you. Live with it.

8)Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, Nascar, Hunting, or monster trucks.

9)Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

10)Shopping is not a sport, and no, we're never going to think of it that way.

11)When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

12)You have enough clothes.

13)You have too many shoes.

14)Crying is blackmail.

15)Ask for what you want. Let's be clear on this one: Subtle hints don't work. Strong hints don't work. Really obvious hints don't work. Just say it!

16)No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on the calendar.

17)Peeing standing up is more difficult. We're bound to miss sometimes.

18)Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with

19)Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

20)Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

21)A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

22)Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway...)

23)Check your oil.

24)It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

25)Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.

26)All comments become null and void after 7 days.

27)If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

28)Let us ogle. We're going to look anyway; it's genetic.

29)You can either tell us to do something OR tell us how to do something but not both.

30)Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

31)ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach is a fruit, not a color.

32)If it itches, it will be scratched.

33)If we ask what's wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong.

34)We know you're lying, but it's just not worth the hassle.

35)What the hell is a doily?
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Postby Homeless » Tue Jun 10, 2003 1:05 am

24)It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

LOL my wife loves those freakin quizes !!
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Postby cwebb » Tue Jun 10, 2003 7:26 am

This is sooo true! Everything!

Well, actually I own more than three pairs of shoes but I need 'em for different sports so it doesn't count...

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Postby Poobah » Tue Jun 10, 2003 10:41 am

If they ever pare this into a Ten Commandments type document, I would insist that 1, 6, 8, 9, 15, 20, 26, 29, 32, 33 make the concise advice to ANY man about to marry/move in with his intended.

ESPECIALLY the "ask for what you want" issue. This might just be my wife though... ;-D
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